Sleep Deprivation and That One Time My Husband Called it Babysitting

Yawn. Oh, hi there! I’m sorry, was I dozing off again? That has been my life since I started back at work. Not because work is overly tiring, but because my precious little sleep-through-the-night-8-to-10-hours princess decided that it would be the PERFECT time to prove me wrong. Amelia Mae is waking up about 2-3 times a night these days, and not soothing herself back to sleep one bit. Nope, she wants mommy—she wants to eat. Even if she’s not hungry, by golly, she’s going to cry until mommy comforts her.

I know pretty much every parent goes through this with a baby, but in the middle of the night when I’m awakened for what feels like the umpteenth time, in my head I’m thinking, “OH MY GOSH. I’m never going to sleep again. No one has ever dealt with a baby like this. Why is my baby so crazy? Is Amelia going to wake up every night for the rest of my life? That’s it! I won’t be able to rest until she turns 30 and we let her move out.” GAHHHHHHHHHHHH. That’s the sound I make when I’m so tired there are no words. I find myself coaching myself awake on the freeway in the morning. “Gotta. Get. To. Work. Keep. Those. Eyelids. Open.” Then I feel like a big baby for complaining about being tired. But WAHHHHHHH (another sound of exhaustion) I’m pooped. More pooped than Amelia’s diaper after she eats three times at night to go back to sleep.

And then, after a night filled with cries and groans and maybe a few curse words under my breath, it’s time to get up and get us ready for the day. Guess who is alllllll smiles as I try to accomplish things like changing diapers through my blurred vision. Yes, my beautiful, bald pumpkin just lights up with love in the morning so it’s hard to even think about how the night before went.

End scene. At least, that scene.

And now I’m bringing up the time that we went to a party last weekend to celebrate an adorable little girl’s one-year birthday. The hubs was chatting with a couple guy friends at the table while we ate and he uttered the words, “I was home babysitting while Heidi went out with her friends.” I think the crêpe I was enjoying damn near fell out of my mouth—I know for certain my glare burned through his can of Coca Cola. Needless to say, after a few words I am positive he will never refer to watching his own daughter as “babysitting” again. At least not while I’m there. 

I’m not really as scary as it may seem. Or, am I? 😉

Until next time, friends!

Notice the forcing of the eyes to stay open. It’s like the opposite of smizing! 
And the little dumpling who can do no wrong! (Excuse the mess in the background–which I’ll harp on in a future blog.)  
    

Welcome to the good life…well, mine at least

My blogs are too far apart, but the reason is a good one. My Amelia Mae is growing–quickly. She is now 3 months old. Talkative, active and beautiful. And, according to our bathroom scale last week, about 13.5 pounds. We won’t know her official, doctor scale weight until her 4 month appointment in April, but I can tell she is packing on the pounds. I love it. And I love her so much that my heart almost explodes anytime her eyes meet mine and she shines that gummy smile my way. 

Anyway–on to my blog!

When I saw the video that the group Anonymous created for Kanye West, I nodded my head in agreement throughout the entire thing. Now, obviously I have no idea what he is like in real life. When the cameras aren’t following him around, maybe he is a humble guy who teaches his daughter that what matters most in life really isn’t whether or not you wear a $350 pair of sneakers. Maybe. Just maybe. 

But the example that he and so many other rich and famous people set for their young admirers makes me scared for when Amelia grows up. When I was a kid (I can’t believe I’m using that phrase–yikes!), things that celebrities did might have made the news, but they didn’t go viral the way they do now. Today, anything they do is blasted across every communication channel available. From drug use to relationships, the sh–I mean, crap–they do is reported to us…and oftentimes glorified by fans of all ages. And, sadly, many celebrities don’t care if they influence young, impressionable minds. They do what they want, when they want. 

I want to make it clear that I am by no means saying that they are responsible for the actions of other people. It’s our job to make sure our kids know what’s important, but they’re going to be exposed to so much more than just what we tell them at home. You would think that having money and fame would make someone want to be better because eyes are on them. Why don’t more celebrities want to exude good behavior? To make being a good person a trend?

I always think about the things I’d do if I was rich and famous. Save all the dogs (“in the arms of the angels…”), help kids, help old people, help people who need help. The theme? Helping others make their lives better. And when I say all the dogs, I literally mean all the dogs. Oh, and let’s not forget that I’d want to be invited to join a season of “Dancing with the Stars” to get a rockin’ bod. Cause obviously that’s the only way to do that. 😉

There’s a difference between having fun and thinking that doing what you want no matter the consequences is a respectable way of life. I had many party days. I acted a fool. I drank too much. All of these things were a part of my life, but they weren’t my life. And unfortunately, the media doesn’t really want us to see celebrities doing their job, helping others or even just simply living life. They want us to see the crazy, so that’s what our kids may think is the good life. But, I hope I’m able to show Amelia what it really is. 

A life where my amazing husband loves me and our daughter unconditionally, where my favorite nights are spent at home enjoying my family and taking care of them is what’s most important to me. I want Amelia to grow up knowing that I want her to have a fun life, but making a good life takes more than just that. 

  

 

 

 

I didn’t want to vaccinate my baby

I knew that would get everybody’s attention! Calm down…it’s not what you think. And no, I do not want to start a debate because I know that people have differences of opinion when it comes to vaccinations. So please, no arguing or fighting! 

I just mean that I hate the fact that Amelia received two shots yesterday – because seeing her in pain crushed my heart. Don’t get me wrong… she was totally a rockstar. Yesterday when we went for her two-month checkup she received two shots. Each time, she cried really loud when the doctor gave them to her, but right when I picked her up to soothe her she quieted down and was fine for the rest of the day. She did not get a low-grade fever and wasn’t even more fussy than usual.

I am so glad that the appointment is over, though, because I was dreading it for about a week before we had to go. You know those kids that you hear screaming and crying because they don’t want to get a shot? Well, that was me growing up. The doctor would literally have to bring nurses in to hold me down so that they could prick my finger to get blood out or give me a shot. Okay, they kind of still do. Yes, my baby was more brave than I am. 😉 

When Amelia was born, we let the doctors give her the vitamin K shot for the blood clotting. But, we opted not to have the eye ointment and to hold off on the hepatitis shot. She got the hepatitis shot yesterday along with the other shot that contains a few vaccines. We just didn’t want them to poke her with a bunch of needles right when she came into the world. I am very happy with our decision to hold off on the hepatitis shot until this last appointment. 

On another note, I dressed Amelia in this pretty brown onesie yesterday. The onesie has pink trim around the neck and also a pink flower underneath the chin area. I had her in baby jeggings and some cute boots. My bad. I’m not helping her case for looking like a girl. While the pink trim and the flower were there, her cute chubby face pretty much hid the girly part of the shirt and she looked like a tiny version of her dad. LOL. I looked for a headband, but I didn’t have any that weren’t super elasticy (yep, made up a word) and wouldn’t leave marks on her head. Ah well, she’ll forgive me. She looked like one cute boy.

Maybe she won’t forgive me… She looks pretty upset in that second picture. And her soft spot makes her head look creepy. LOL. Oh, babies.

And here is our sweet Amelia Mae at home resting after her doctors appointment. And then getting to see her auntie Tanya last night.

Check another blog off the list

Wow. I can’t believe it has been a week since I’ve posted anything on my blog! The days have seriously been flying by – filled with feedings, naps and tummy time. Oh, and everything else that needs to be done in life.

I’ve always been a fan of checklists, but having a newborn has made me love them even more.

Some days Amelia wants to eat more often than others…and it’s on those days that I can hardly remember if I ate breakfast or if I even brushed my teeth (as Jeremy pointed out in his blog last week). So, what’s a girl to do to make sure that she gets everything done and doesn’t let things slip between the cracks? My answer is a simple two words: Check. List. Yes, checklist is one word – but it doesn’t have the same effect that way so I split it into two. Throw me a bone.

I use checklists at work, but I hadn’t used them too often at home. Well, the past few weeks I’ve been using one religiously and it has completely helped me stay on track. Even breaking down something as simple as “cleaning the living room” into smaller parts and putting each one on a checklist has made things so much easier.

First, I dusted everything, including the ceiling fan, then swept up the dirt that the dogs brought in, then vacuumed to get any residual dirt and to make sure the baseboards and couch were dirt and dust-free. I washed the comforter that we use for dog protection on the couch and the towel that we use on the recliner and, finally, I cleaned the tile by hand with a vinegar and water solution. It felt so good to check each thing off my list and made it seem like it wasn’t such a big project. Sure, cleaning the living room never used to be a big project, but having to get it done while the baby is asleep or sitting happily in her bouncy chair makes it a lot more difficult!

And, side note: dogs sure do drag in a lot of dirt.

In addition to checklists, I purchased an awesome stick-on white board that we have in our room that is a calendar for the week. Every week, I write down appointments or other things that I know for sure are happening so that we can glance at it each morning and know what’s going on. I love it!

What do you do to stay sane and make sure that you pay the bills on time or make it to your appointments?

My C-section and the dreaded daycare search

The nurses at the hospital were impressed with how quickly I was able to move around so well after my C-section. And, I’ll admit, the pain wasn’t too bad after the surgery, even when the drugs wore off. At first, I didn’t take the pain medication that they were offering me, but then I did it as a precaution to make sure that I didn’t end up in a lot of pain that would take a while to subdue with medication. Take the medicine a little at a time to avoid a ton of pain and having to take a bunch of medicine. It worked out well and after the hospital I picked up a pain prescription and maybe used one or two in the next month that I was home.

With a C-section, though, I think a lot of people feel better than what is actually going on on the inside. I was pretty much acting normal. Going up and down the stairs, being on my feet for quite some time and other things that I really thought I wouldn’t be doing after having a C-section. (Not THAT you perverts!)

However, I think I overdid it a bit. Two weeks ago my husband and I met for dinner and I brought the baby. However I took her carrier from upstairs to downstairs and put it in the car – with her in it. At the time it felt sort of heavy and I kind of had to twist weird to get it in the car, but I didn’t think much of it. However, a couple days later, I started feeling sore. It progressively got worse and last week from Wednesday until about Saturday I was so sore that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. It felt like my entire ab area and lower stomach had been worked out in a way they never had before. Like I did 5 million situps and I was feeling the pain. Of course, I got paranoid, thinking I ripped open one of my organs inside. But, because I didn’t have a fever or anything I knew I didn’t have infection.

Now, I know that giving birth the regular way is no walk in the park. And, people have complications with that, too. But, I do have to say that having a newborn with C-section restrictions has made the new mom thing even more difficult for me. I mean, how can they expect you not to lift anything heavier than your baby for weeks, and maybe even months, depending on how you heal? There’s so much to do!

I feel much better today. The soreness has subsided a little and just one side is tender to the touch. It’s an improvement. I did take about three pain pills in the last few days, though!

Now, let’s talk about another pain. My heart already hurts thinking about leaving Amelia Mae at daycare when I go back to work. I’m so sad about it and the time isn’t even here yet. We’ll probably do a home daycare and I just officially started searching for real.

First of all, it’s so expensive. Second of all… you’re trusting the life of your tiny little baby in someone else’s hands. I don’t even know if I can trust someone that I don’t know that much. I’m going to have to do it – but I’m not gonna like it one bit.

Side note: I started writing this blog on Monday. However, while I was writing it, I started to get chills. I then progressively got a temperature that reached 102.8°. I threw up three times as well. LOL. It wasn’t anything to do with my C-section, but just a little ironic that it happened while I was writing about recovering from a C-section. After 2 ibuprofen my temperature decreased and was normal as of yesterday morning.

We don’t cosleep with the baby, but Monday night I kept her in bed with me so that I wouldn’t have to get up to breastfeed her. She slept the ENTIRE NIGHT. That definitely makes it hard not to want to cosleep. 😉

Some exciting news this week, though – Amelia successfully turned her head from one side to the other while on the floor during tummy time. Don’t get me wrong, she can move her head back-and-forth like crazy, but for some reason, she didn’t like doing it when she was on the floor. So, it looks like this week was a good one and it’s not even over yet!

My sweet, 6-week old baby:

Irrationally rational-ish

I am in a few groups on Facebook that have to do with being a mom or breastfeeding. This morning, in the mommy group, one mom posted that one of her biggest fears came to life.

She fell down the stairs holding her 10-week old baby. Because her motherly instincts kicked in, she protected her baby with all she had and, luckily, the baby is completely fine. However, she did break her ankle and is now stuck at home, unable to move around, and her fiancé is at work all day. She was asking for advice/words of encouragement because she was worried about being able to take care of the baby all day when she can hardly get up to go to the bathroom.

After I posted a response that I was glad they were okay and provided a suggestion, I sat here thinking. I, too, have that exact fear. Sometimes I’ll be in bed and I just imagine myself falling down the stairs with the baby and it scares the shit crap out of me. It’s not even something I want to think about, it just randomly pops into my head.

I also have this fear that if I walk too close to the railing when I’m upstairs, somehow Amelia Mae is going to leap out of my arms and over the railing and fall to the first floor. It seriously gives me anxiety attacks. What. The. Hell?

Just to clarify, I’m not some dark person that has grim thoughts all the time. I am very much a happy-most-of-the-time, positive thinking human. Sure, you will find me watching tons of crime shows throughout the day, but that’s because I like seeing the police catch the bad guys.

I don’t know what it is about this tiny creature that brings out the scariest thoughts. Irrational thoughts. Okay, so the stairs thing is actually very possible – I’ve fallen on them a couple times already since we’ve moved in (before the baby). And yes, I was sober. 😉

Maybe it’s because I want so badly for nothing bad to happen to her that I make up any scenario so that I can plan ahead. Sure, that’s probably what it is. But, it is creepy.

Anyway, this little princess just decided that while she was sitting on my lap she wanted to have an explosion in her diaper. So, mommy duty calls. Literally.

Just some pictures from yesterday – her 5-week birthday. She is getting so big and definitely filling out. I love it!

I need a visit from Mary Poppins

This is the second week that Amelia and I are home alone while daddy is at work. We do have a little bit of a routine going on and it’s definitely a lot less overwhelming than it was in the beginning. But, our house is in disarray and I’m going to lose my mind.

I hosted my sister-in-law’s baby shower this past Saturday, so our kitchen and the downstairs is actually very clean because we had to move a lot of stuff to make it look presentable and make room for the guests. However, that stuff is now in our guest room and we really need to find permanent places to put them. In addition to that, I really, really want to clean our bathrooms, do all of the laundry and clean the floors.

It. Is. Killing. Me.

But, when Amelia sleeps, I have to make sure that I eat something, spend a little time with the dogs and try to lay down and take a nap. I haven’t been successful at napping because even when she’s asleep, for some reason my mind does not want to turn off. So, I end up laying on our bed watching TV and wishing I was asleep. Maybe it’s because I feel like our house is a disaster.

We did manage to empty all of the trash cans and throw random things away that were laying around this weekend. At least that’s something.

So, where is Mary Poppins when you need her? I wouldn’t mind listening to her sing “A Spoonful of Sugar” for about five hours while she stood around snapping and pointing at things, having them fall into place. I would welcome it.

I know at some point I’ll find the time to clean–so for now I’ll just be happy that I wash the baby laundry every other day or so. If Amelia is clean and well fed, we are doing our job as parents. The rest will all come together soon enough.

Right? 🙂

A photo from the baby shower–it turned out great! My friend Angela provided the desserts (via her company three50bakes–find her on Instagram), we got the sandwich, veggie and fruit platters from Costco and then I did some small crafty things like the cupcake toppers and napkins in the shape of bow ties. It was a lot of fun putting things together when I could while Amelia was napping and everyone had a great time. Plus, the baby slept the entire time!

Definitely a score.

Zzzzzz…

Will I ever sleep again?

Monday was a very good day. And Monday night Amelia slept about 6 hours straight. Score!

Not.

Our little bugger was just giving me a good night’s sleep so she could torture me on Tuesday. Tuesday was rough. Amelia cluster fed ALL DAY and refused to go down for a nap. I thought I was going to go insane. If I put her down, she would immediately start fussing. Our happy, sweet, cry-when-she-needs-something baby was gone and a new creature had arisen. I cried. And I cried again. And then I felt bad for being frustrated with this little tiny, beautiful girl. I think she forgives me, though.

Yesterday was so much better. My friend Teran visited us and then my mom came over. Amelia was back to her normal-ish feeding and napping schedule and I was able to do a few things around the house–dishes and laundry.

Last night I thought she’d want to catch up on the loss of sleep from Tuesday, but noooooo, she woke up about every 1.5 to 2 hours. So, today, I’m exhausted. I’m running on fumes. I’m a zombie. I need an IV of caffeine, stat!

I love our little, sweet piglet…but I also love the idea of sleeping for about 72 hours straight right now.

This is all so new. Everyone says after a while we will have a routine down and I’ll feel normal again. Is that true?

I’ve gone from “I always have to at least wear mascara every day” to “Did I even brush my teeth today?”

Trying to smile between the yawns…

Of course, then I see this face and I’m reminded it’s all worth it:

You learn a lot in 2 weeks

I’m sitting in bed waiting for Jeremy to get home with coffee and breakfast sandwiches. I’ve been drinking decaf and half caf as much as possible, but today…mommy needs the hard stuff. Caramel Macchiato–get in my bloodstream. If I sniff it, will it work faster? Okay, that’s definitely the lack of sleep talking. I think I’m a tiny bit delusional. Also, please note that I started this blog in the morning and finished it in the afternoon.

Our little pumpkin has been here for two weeks. Two long, yet extremely short weeks. Long because we’ve pretty much been awake the entire time, but short because it’s hard to believe that just two weeks ago we were not parents.

Amelia is becoming more active and alert each day. It’s funny–you’d think that if she is alert a lot of the day, she would sleep a lot of the night. Makes sense, right? Nope. Not our baby. Our girl likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time…

So, what have I learned so far?

Baby poop can squirt far distances. We are literally washing the bassinet cover right now. Also, Amelia can take up to 5 minutes to complete her poops, so we have decided not to jump and change her diaper at the sound of the first squish. We like surprises, but not those kinds.

Amelia is a happy baby. I don’t care if people think when they’re this young they have “phantom smiles” and not real ones. Hers are real. And she smiles all the time when she is awake and asleep. She really only cries when it’s time to eat and when she has a dirty diaper. At least, so far.

Breastfeeding is totally exhausting. Yes, it’s definitely a bonding experience and it is amazing how your body reacts to what your baby needs. It’s incredible how the supply and demand for your breastmilk works. But, on the other hand, I feel sorta awkward and–if I’m being completely honest–a little like a cow. Especially when I tried out the pump. Wide-eyed emoticon face. Oh…and if you’re ever wondering what that smell is when you’re breastfeeding–check your shirt. I found out that if any breastmilk gets on your clothes, it spoils after a while and smells gross. Gag.

Babies create a lot of laundry. Enough said. Their clothes are tiny, but the piles aren’t.

In just two weeks, Amelia has changed from a ball of crying nothingness (okay, not literally nothingness, but you know what I mean) into a real little expressive human. It’s a lot of work, but she is completely worth it all. This week we are going to test out the Moby so that I can hopefully do a little more for myself when Jeremy goes back to work. I have to say, I’m not looking forward to next week.

Now, back to enjoying this episode of NCIS while Amelia finishes up her nap. I love me some Gibbs! In a dad way, you pervs!

Ah, how I love our beautiful baby girl!

And, Amelia got to meet her cousin Kazen today! She’s so gangster (said in the whitest white girl voice ever) she can’t help but throw up signs. 😉

A blog for my husband

I’m a pretty emotional person when it comes to certain things–like those ASPCA commercials. I don’t care what is on the screen…when Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” song comes on, I’m done for. *sobs*

However, I’m not really a super sentimental, PDA, say-“I-love-you”-every-five-minutes type of wife. My hubs is so sweet, always telling me how pretty I am and thanking me for taking care of our new bundle of joy. But, the truth is I couldn’t do this without him. I would be curled in a ball crying if it wasn’t for his help and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Yes, I’m an independent and smart girl, but this past week or so I’ve been a pile of mushy tears.

So, this blog is dedicated to Jeremy, the best husband and daddy I could ask for.

Thank you for getting up with me at night and changing every diaper before I feed Amelia. Especially with my limited mobility after the c-section, this means the world to me.

Thank you for holding her while I shower each day so that I feel like a normal human being. Let’s be real–this benefits you, too–no one likes stinky pits.

Thank you for calming me and letting me know it’s okay if she cries for a few minutes if I’m in the middle of eating–or else I’d be real hungry. And we know how I get when I’m hangry.

Thank you for understanding when I randomly cry because I feel like I’m not doing anything right.

Thank you for loving me.

Daddy and his little sweetheart:

And thank you for my beautiful new mommy necklace.

Now, I’ll go back to being the strong, sassy girl Jeremy is used to. 😉